busy

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busybusybusybusybusybusybusy
seven busys
one for each day of the week
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long enough

driving down the road
glancing at the trees as though for the first time
so many different greens
so many different textures
embroidered by the dance of light and shadow
celebration!
I have lived long enough to not only see, but to celebrate
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groovy

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I have a normal thyroid function again, and it sure makes a difference! I'm not taking 2-3 naps per day, my joint pain is decreasing, I can read long essays again with concentration..

The human body is just so interesting, with all the chemical interactions occurring for maximum life function. When I think of the toxins that were pumped into me to kill the cancer...wow. Who knows how those toxins have impacted my life from here on out. On the other hand, I recognize the body's resilience, and now I'm determined to return to prime.

On another level, here's something to think about. When I was thyroid tired, when I was chemo tired, few people called for alteration work. Now that my groove is returning, loads of folks are calling. I don't advertise. This has happened at different times of the year, so it's not just "prom season" or some such. Serendipity?
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delightful

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today's delight...

it's not uncommon to wait as the geese cross the road
but a pheasant? with her teensy little baby?
awesome!
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another problem solved

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I used to think it had to be either this way or that
now I understand that it's both
whew! what a relief!
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straight talk

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I saw a massage therapist for the first time in my life. Wow, what an experience. He spent over an hour just on my shoulders, neck, and upper back, and gave me some advice on a position to help correct my posture. I tried it at home - it works wonderfully. It corrects the forward tilt of my head/neck d/t long hours working on sewing or computers. After finishing a sewing project, I spent about ten minutes in that position, then went to the grocery with George. I almost cried for how good I felt. In addition, he's encouraging me to do some food related "interventions", for lack of a better word. So tomorrow I'll do a lemon juice detox. As he explained some of these things, I remained noncommittal until googling the information. There I discovered that he was speaking from a knowledge base that I didn't really know about, and now I'm hot to learn it.

Coincidentally, I read an article about a promising cancer drug that was tested in Canada. There was a problem getting drug companies to test it because there was no profit in it for them.
That set off a cascade of wonderings for me...and that brings me back to a greater appreciation for what the massage therapist was talking about...
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masks

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you are wearing a mask
a smooth mirror on the inside
and when you open your eyes
what you see is
yourself

I too am wearing a mask
equally a mirror
and I also see my own self

we look at each other
or, to be more accurate
we look at each other's masks

masks with a mirror shine inside and out
so what do we see when we look at each other?

each other?
or mirrors reflecting back and forth
images of ourselves?

come
let us help each other
remove our masks
the mirrored cages of our hearts
and see who we are
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prom season

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I have never seen so many elegantly beautiful prom dresses as I have this year - many of them coming to me for alterations. In addition, I've never met so many honestly sweet high school girls as I have this year. It is an all around excellent spring prom season for me. So many of the girls are active in their sports, thus have lovely figures for wearing these gowns.
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mother's day

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happy mother's day
I guess
not that I let the calendar tell me when to celebrate
and I don't pay Hallmark to say what I can say better

but whether I care about today or not, there's plenty of mother talk going on, and my mother isn't here anymore.

Where are you, mom? Do you still exist in some form or another? Or are you just...gone?

You who read this, whoever you are, you can't tell me for sure. You can tell me what others have told you, but that's not the same as facts and truth. You can tell me what you hope is true, what you believe is true, what you wish to be true. That's not the same thing. I know the difference between truth and wishful thinking (sometimes known as faith).

So. Where does that leave us? leave me? Right here, capable of thinking for myself, capable of creating life story mythologies that give meaning to my own life, whether they are "true" or not. Thank you, mom, for encouraging me to think for myself. Thank you for being a brave woman in your later years and especially in the last week of your life. Thank you for being you.

I love you. Whether you exist or not now, my love for you continues.
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bad/good

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Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be "tough", which is what I've been doing; pushing against tiredness, ignoring it as much as possible, just being glad I'm alive. But the tiredness had a cause other than aging. Hypothyroidism. It's a common ailment, and once I finally complained, I found there was something that could be done, which will also supposedly fix some other problems.
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all clear

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I got the "all clear" from the doc. Now I don't have to think about cancer for another 5 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days. I live my life in six month increments. Which is fine.
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numbers

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I should be used to this by now, but this time am not. Tomorrow is my 6 month checkup with the oncologist. The numbers are in my favor, of course. It's just that...
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courage?

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It's the damnedest thing. When I'm actively battling cancer, I can reach down deep and find strength and courage. But now that I'm "clean", courage has decided to hibernate. A customer casually mentioned that a friend of hers had died of breast cancer that had spread to her lungs nine years later. That shakes me up. If it were me, I'd have six more years.
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